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Review? This Is SPARTA!

Finally got to watch 300 over the long weekend break. Let’s cut the long story short.

Basically, the story is about a civilization that discovered steroids (how else can you define a population where 100% of its male population have washboard abs and built like tanks) fighting probably an army of about a quarter of the world’s population at the time lead by Dhalsim. However, in this story, Dhalsim has an affinity for extreme body-piercing and was actually Persian and goes by the name of Xerxes.

Oh, Gollum was in this movie as well. Again, playing the role of the betraying bastard. However, he has a spear and a shield in 300. Nevertheless, his diabilities prevent him from using his shield properly. He was therefore deemed to be a security hazard and therefore expelled from being part of the 300.

Had Gollum been successful, this film might be called 301: Moved Permanently.

Here’s why you should watch 300:

  • Awesome combat scenes… and I’m not talking about the cowardly Tomahawk, Patriot and Scud long range shock-and-awe bullshit! I’m talking about good old swords, spears and blood… the works!
  • Battle rhinos! Let me repeat that frickin’ battle rhinos! Way better than any Sherman tank; unfortunately, has about the same lifetime
  • The best quotes ever to reach the silver screen

If you love massive war movies, this would be right up your alley. Amazing visuals, stunning scenes… who cares if the plot is shite!